I met with the psychiatrist again the other day. I was kind of dreading it, since the first time wasn’t that great, but it actually went quite well. I was worried she was going to hector me about drinking again, but she didn’t even mention it. (I have cut back a bit, but I doubt I’ll stop entirely.) I think at least part of my reaction last time was due to my emotional state at the time. I’m feeling a lot better now.
April 24, 2010
April 12, 2010
So yeah, I managed to get a job for the summer helping out on a research project at my school. It’s pretty much exactly the type of job I’ve been looking for, and it’s a very interesting project that fits particularly well with my background and interests, so I’m very happy about it.
April 7, 2010
I don’t know why the hell I thought it would be a good idea to read this thread. Reading blog comments usually just upsets me, and this time was no exception. What I do find interesting, however, is that while almost every comment in the thread upset me, in almost every case it was for a different reason. I guess that’s the sign of a thoughtful, interesting blog these days.
Update: Looking back at it again, “almost every” is definitely an overstatement. There are plenty of good comments in that thread. Still plenty of maddening ones too, though.
April 5, 2010
So I went to a psychiatrist today. The backstory of this is now lost in the bowels of Unfogged, but the gist of it is that I was taking Wellbutrin to control my depression for a couple of years until I ran out a couple of weeks ago. I flailed around for a while but eventually called the counseling center at school and got an appointment with a psychiatrist, but not until after the counselor I talked to acted all shocked that I had just stopped taking the pills after I ran out, which I didn’t think was very nice of her. The psychiatrist I talked to today was better, and I feel pretty good about her. She wants me to get some bloodwork done tomorrow before I fill the prescription she gave me, which kind of freaks me out because I have a thing about needles but also reassures me that she’s taking this seriously and acting like a real doctor.
The main issue I have is that she wants me to quit drinking, both because of the known risk of seizures as a result of combining alcohol and Wellbutrin and because alcohol is a depressant and she can’t understand why someone would want to take antidepressants to fight depression while at the same time drinking alcohol, which reinforces it. The fact that she doesn’t understand this makes me a bit hesitant to trust her, because it seems pretty obvious to me that my drinking (which I don’t think is at all excessive) hasn’t caused me any problems so far with the Wellbutrin and helps counteract some of the problems with social anxiety I have by lowering my inhibitions. I would have challenged her more on this, but I was kind of intimidated, as I usually am with authority figures in new settings. She also mentioned that I might want to try counseling, which I may, but the way she put it was that I should just call up and get an appointment, which made me realize that she had no idea how hard that would be for me to do. I guess I didn’t say anything about my social issues because this visit was all about the more pressing problem of the depression, which is a totally separate thing as far as I can tell. So while the visit was a success overall, I’m a little apprehensive of how complicated my life has suddenly become. I guess I’ll try not drinking, at least for a little while, but I can just see how it’s likely to totally destroy my social life. It’s not so much that I can’t go to social events and not drink, which shouldn’t be a problem. The real problem is that getting myself to go to those events in the first place, and talk to people once I’m there, requires something to overcome my inhibitions, and that’s generally alcohol. I don’t know what else could replace it. I guess I could try anti-anxiety drugs, but I’ve heard bad things about some of those and I’m hesitant to try them.
So yeah, the appointment went okay but afterward I actually felt more depressed than before, mostly because of all the changes she seemed to be forcing on me. I don’t like change, and I have a hard time dealing with it. I even considered just forgetting about the whole thing and continuing to suffer, but I realize that that’s a dumb and juvenile thing to do and I should at least give this a try. Anyone have any advice or thoughts?
April 4, 2010
So, Unfogged is down, and no one seems to known what’s wrong or when it’ll be fixed. In the meantime, feel free to use this thread for Mineshaft-style conversation.