Sunlit Water

October 13, 2007

It Also Didn’t Result In Sex

Filed under: Dating,Personal — by teofilo @ 3:36 pm

So there’s this girl who I met through OkCupid shortly before things got really bad with my dad.  We chatted a bit through the site, and had been planning to meet in person when my dad died and things got all crazy.  We kept in touch, though, and a couple weeks later went on a (probably ill-advised) Sunday evening coffee date.  It went well, so we kept chatting online and had another date, for lunch this time, today.

While we were talking, I was really struck by how reminiscent the conversation was of Unfogged.  We touched on a lot of topics that have been discussed at great length there and at other blogs I read, and as I thought about it I remembered that many of the things we had talked about on the first date were also perennial blog fodder.  I mentioned this there when I got back; despite AWB’s rejoinder, it went well beyond complaining about not getting laid.  It was actually kind of eerie, like all the things I’ve been hearing about all this time were being repeated, but in a different context and by a different person.  Maybe it’s just that I haven’t had a whole lot of intimate conversations with women lately, and this stuff is what they tend to talk about.  I don’t know.

Anyway, it was interesting.  She’s really cool, and she seems to like me a lot, so I think there’s some definite potential here.  There are some rather major logistical issues to deal with, but I figure we’ll address them when the time comes.



  1. It sounds like a good date. That’s nice in and of itself, especially considering the wider context for your life at the moment. You’ve been dealing with the capital-L Life issues; it’s good to have a chance to stretch your wings in another direction.

    In my experience conversational topics tend to be a blend of what’s foremost in my own mind, the same for the other person, and recent headlines. In general I don’t tend to read much more into it than that; at least for me, dating conversations are not usually fraught with layers of meaning as much as they are vehicles for seeing how people respond to the world.

    Comment by Witt — October 13, 2007 @ 7:44 pm |Reply

  2. Yeah, I’m not trying to read too much into the conversation; I was just struck by how many things we talked about had recently been discussed on Unfogged and related blogs, especially since many of the topics were things I never would have thought about before the blog discussions.

    Comment by teofilo — October 13, 2007 @ 8:29 pm |Reply

  3. So is she a lurker or a regular commenter?

    Comment by Not Prince Hamlet — October 15, 2007 @ 10:17 pm |Reply

  4. Neither, I hope. She does blog, though.

    Comment by teofilo — October 15, 2007 @ 11:06 pm |Reply

  5. I mentioned my penchant for yelling at 12-year-olds while out drinking with coworkers last week and one guy was like “yeah, I was reading this blog with a big discussion about a woman who told off some 12-year-olds who were harassing her.” Drunk, I was like “hey! That was me! Turns out he’s a long-time lurker at Unfogged.

    This is at an organization with 6 employees. So, you never know, she could be a lurker.

    Comment by m. leblanc — October 16, 2007 @ 9:24 am |Reply

  6. I think he showed up and mentioned it — guy named Brian?

    I was thinking, Teo’s in a bit of a spot in relation to anyone who might possibly read Unfogged. While all well-meant, the constant flurry of advice re: dating and such probably looks a little cynical from the perspective of the person not getting that advice.

    Comment by LizardBreath — October 16, 2007 @ 9:37 am |Reply

  7. I don’t agree with LB’s assessment as I understand it. Most of the advice is obviously jokey, and our real respect and affection for him should be obvious to the worthy, sensitive lurker of our dreams. And the curious, interested person would follow the link back here, where the advice is earnest, heartfelt and loving.

    Comment by idontpay — October 16, 2007 @ 11:32 am |Reply

  8. I agree with IDP. I don’t think reading Unfogged would give anyone a negative impression of me, and indeed it would mean she was already aware of some things that I would otherwise have to figure out how to bring up in conversation. Awkwardness: averted!

    I’m pretty sure this girl doesn’t read Unfogged, though. Her blog is on Myspace.

    Comment by teofilo — October 16, 2007 @ 12:03 pm |Reply

  9. I do think that stuff like title of this post might give her pause, though–it could give the impression that all you care about is getting laid, even though that’s not the case.

    Comment by the Other Paul — October 16, 2007 @ 1:54 pm |Reply

  10. With this particular girl that’s unlikely to be a problem, but yeah, I can see how it could be an issue in general.

    Comment by teofilo — October 16, 2007 @ 3:59 pm |Reply

  11. for whatever it’s worth, as a gal who once lurked at Unfogged, I don’t think Teo has to worry much at all about how he comes off. Some of the people offering advice on the other hand…

    Comment by di kotimy — October 16, 2007 @ 4:16 pm |Reply

  12. Yeah, what I’d worry about more isn’t anything you say yourself, but more a possible “Jesus, you’re talking about dating with those weirdos?” reaction.

    Comment by LizardBreath — October 17, 2007 @ 9:52 am |Reply

  13. very interesting, but I don’t agree with you

    Comment by Idetrorce — December 15, 2007 @ 7:10 am |Reply

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