Sunlit Water

August 31, 2007

Uncomfortably Easy To Imagine, Actually

Filed under: Dating — by teofilo @ 10:53 pm

The main reason I’m so insistent on telling myself that a given girl is either interested in me or isn’t and that opinion is fixed and unchangeable (even though, as was repeatedly pointed out to me in comments to my last post on this subject, this is not necessarily true) is to keep myself from turning into this guy.

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5 Comments »

  1. I wonder if he tried out different openings to that letter:

    “Webster’s defines my love for you as enduring, undying, perpetual, and deserving of reciprocation.”

    or

    “Since the dawn of time, I have loved you with all my heart.”

    Comment by eb — September 1, 2007 @ 12:55 am |Reply

  2. Wow man. He does go on.

    Comment by The Modesto Kid — September 1, 2007 @ 4:44 am |Reply

  3. Well, as long as you don’t get any delusions about people being interested in you when they plainly aren’t, I suppose that’s a good strategy. But really, I think the real solution isn’t to be more aware of people’s possibly changing opinions of you or a possible relationship with you, but to be less aware of it, and more confident. (Note that, as you probably know, I’m a lot like you, and I’m not speaking from experience here, but…) You should turn up the obliviousness a little, and be a little less sensitive around people you don’t know very well. Once you’ve become intimate with someone, then it’s time to start noticing the small cues about their mood and attitudes towards you. But before then, just be overconfident and slightly Chet-like. If you can do this without feeling like shit, you’re set. (I would imagine.)

    And part of that *is* cutting your losses with people who don’t seem all that interested after you’ve made your own interest clear.

    Please not that I don’t actually endorse any of the advice in this comment. But I’m interested if ya’ll think it’s good or bad advice.

    Comment by pd23ds — September 1, 2007 @ 8:08 pm |Reply

  4. I imagine that many of us have an extreme, caricatured version of what we are afraid of turning into — perhaps a tendency that we have noticed at 5% level in ourselves, and are worried about turning into the full-blown 100% version.

    I don’t usually find it reassuring if someone completely dismisses such concerns. I *do* find it reassuring if a good friend says, “Well, sure, you have mild tendencies in that direction. But it’s a long path before you become that guy, and you have a lot of safeguards in place to stop that from happening,” or something of that nature.

    All of which is to say: I don’t think you’re in danger of turning into that guy.

    Comment by Witt — September 2, 2007 @ 12:39 pm |Reply

  5. Thanks for the reassurance. I don’t think it’s that likely either, but I do have tendencies that could lead in this direction, which I try to fight by consciously trying to change my instinctive interpretations of and reactions to situations that bring those tendencies out. This is mostly by way of explaining where I’m coming from in posts like the previous one linked here.

    Comment by teofilo — September 2, 2007 @ 1:12 pm |Reply


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