Sunlit Water

July 2, 2007


Filed under: Dating,Personal — by teofilo @ 10:55 pm

Alif Sikkiin’s post about one hilariously bad response she got to a personal ad (via Unfogged) happens to be a perfect hook for something I was planning on writing about anyway: class and online dating.  The main reason I was so interested in that girl I wrote to (who still hasn’t responded and I’m quite sure isn’t going to) is that she’s one of the very few people I found on those sites who really seemed like “my kind of people,” by which I basically mean educated middle class.  She’s a grad student, she’s lived several places, etc.  Most of the other 18-24-year-old women on Nerve and OkCupid were, like, massage therapists and stuff; many of them had kids.  This is true more of OkCupid than of Nerve, actually, which is interesting as a phenomenon in itself and reminds me of the divide between MySpace and Facebook.  Given the demographics of Albuquerque, very much a MySpace kind of place, it’s hardly a shock.

Now, there’s obviously nothing wrong with being a massage therapist or a 21-year-old single mother, and I don’t want to use class as an absolute filter, but given where I am right now in my life I do kind of feel like what I really want is to be with someone who’s as similar to me as possible.  This is kind of how I felt about all that May-December stuff a while back, too; it’s not that I can’t see myself ever being with a working-class or older woman, but just that right now I want a nice little relationship with a nice intellectual college-educated sort of girl.  I guess this is largely because I’m kind of insecure about my lack of experience and I want to focus on dealing with that rather than all the other stuff I would have to deal with in a relationship with someone who’s significantly different from me in some ways.  Common priors make things easier (or so I assume, at least).  So I think I’ll give the online dating a rest for a while.

Oh, and I started my new job today.  I like it a lot, and I think it’ll go a long way toward occupying my time and filling the void I’ve felt in my life recently.  It also gives me a venue in which to meet new people, which is something I do really need.  Interestingly for the subject at hand, by the way, many if not most of those people will likely be working class (or even downright poor), so my perspective on the issues I discuss in this post may change a bit over the next few months.  We’ll see.



  1. If my sister wasn’t a weirdo I’d totally hook you up.

    Comment by Cala — July 4, 2007 @ 9:22 pm |Reply

  2. Was that a response to any particular part of the post?

    Comment by teofilo — July 4, 2007 @ 11:31 pm |Reply

  3. It’s interesting that you think finding an intellectual middle-class girl will make it easier to get through your issues about lack of experience. In my (intellectual middle-class) experience, finding someone like that can just lead to both of you getting too hung up on analyzing and overthinking everything. You may well be better off finding someone who doesn’t want to analyze and work through your lack of experience – someone who just wants to be close to you. You don’t really need to focus on dealing with your lack of experience; you need to get laid once or twice, after which you’ll have plenty of other stuff to think about. You want to move past your inexperience, not make it the center of your relationship.
    Also – and this is why I’m skeptical of some internet dating – it’s often the case that people who are similar to you on paper aren’t the people you connect with. The woman I married was nothing like the woman I would have pictured marrying – but that’s because I was wrong about what I thought would mesh with me. Go out with some massage therapists if you get a chance. You may connect on other levels that surprise you.
    Two analytical thinkers together often just mire each other in head trips.
    (You may have moved past comments to this post by now anyway…)

    Comment by freight train — July 11, 2007 @ 12:51 am |Reply

  4. I’m sure there’s a lot of truth to what you say, and the post is mostly a description of my thought process rather than an endorsement or justification of it. I’m definitely open to other opportunities that may arise. At the moment, though, I’m taking a break from the online dating.

    Comment by teofilo — July 11, 2007 @ 9:23 am |Reply

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