Sunlit Water

May 6, 2007

These Better Not Have Been The Best Years Of My Life

Filed under: Personal — by teofilo @ 1:15 pm

I’m done with classes now, and just need to finish up some papers and projects (including my thesis) before I graduate.  On the one hand, it’s a huge relief to be essentially done with school forever, but on the other hand, I’m getting a bit apprehensive about what the future holds.  Career-wise, I’m not too concerned; I’m casting a wide net in my job search, and I’m sure I’ll find something that suits me.  Socially, though, I’m just now realizing that I’ve always used school as a crutch, a time when I’m guaranteed to see people that’s kept me from putting in enough effort to see them regularly outside of class.  Now that there are no more classes and may never be again, I’m worried that I won’t be able to keep up even the pathetic shadow of a social life I’ve had thus far.

This is of particular concern right now because my friends seem to be ignoring me for some reason; I had made plans for people to come over to my place and drink on Friday, but no one showed up (well, one person did, but just for a few minutes, and he didn’t drink anything), and ever since them no one has been responding to my phone calls or e-mails.  I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m feeling very sad and lonely right now, and it’s just killed my motivation to work on my remaining schoolwork.  I’ve scheduled a party for tomorrow night.  I hope people come to it, because otherwise it seems like this kind of social isolation would just be my fate.

I don’t really know what to do about this.  I’ve always had problems socially, and while they seemed to be getting better over the past year or so, suddenly it’s like nothing has changed at all and I’m back where I was in high school.  At least there’s only three weeks left before Commencement.

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9 Comments »

  1. On the one hand, it’s a huge relief to be essentially done with school forever,

    Unlikely, given your scholarly bent.

    Get that PhD, fellow-me-lad, get that PhD.

    Comment by Counterfly — May 6, 2007 @ 1:48 pm |Reply

  2. Hell no.

    Comment by teofilo — May 6, 2007 @ 1:53 pm |Reply

  3. I suspect you’ll do fine once you graduate. For all of the talk of college being the best years of your life, it often (usually?) isn’t; personally, I’m a hell of a lot happier and well-adjusted than I was in college.

    Comment by Josh — May 6, 2007 @ 9:29 pm |Reply

  4. College was not the best years of my life at all. I’m much, much happier now.

    I’m sorry you’re experiencing a socially isolating patch though – that’s really no fun.

    Comment by heebie-geebie — May 7, 2007 @ 12:29 pm |Reply

  5. From Life in Hell, A List of Traumas of Childhood:*

    THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM:
    “Cheer up, kid! These are the best years of your life!” “You mean it gets WORSE?”

    I remember sitting around waiting for people to show up to college parties saying, “I hate people.” Which I guess means at least one other person was there (maybe I’d gone early to her party). Um, but now I am the man about town envied by all! So things are bound to improve, no? Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    *Don’t fuss me about how you’re 22 and all, you weren’t born when this strip ran, I have EVERY RIGHT to tell you to get offa my lawn.

    Comment by Matt W — May 8, 2007 @ 1:47 am |Reply

  6. The party last night actually went quite well, and I’m feeling a lot better. Thanks for the support, everyone.

    Comment by teofilo — May 8, 2007 @ 11:54 am |Reply

  7. I’m glad to hear the party worked out. Of course things are going to depend on the workplace, but my experience was that working in an office was far more social, in the sense of daily interacting with people, than pretty much anything I did in college. There were opportunities to do things outside of work hours, too, but, foolishly, I didn’t follow up on them.

    Believe it or not, you’re a lot more social than I was/am – I would not organize a party, academic club/group, or conference, for instance – and I suspect post-college will be a big improvement.

    Comment by eb — May 8, 2007 @ 11:57 pm |Reply

  8. At the risk of being depressing, college was not the best years of my life, but the year following college was notably bad. It took me a while to adjust my patterns of behavior to being out of school. Once I did that, I learned a lot that was useful, and am now a happier person, but I had a good 12-18 months when I felt like all my personal/social habits were geared towards being in school and were poorly matched to having graduated.

    The biggest thing that I had difficulty with figuring out what challenges I wanted to structure my life around. I was also under-employed for that stretch and it made that much worse. An interesting job could help a lot.

    But, I would just say, that if the transition from school to work feels neither easy nor immediately satisfying that is not necessarily a surprise.

    Comment by NickS — May 11, 2007 @ 7:03 pm |Reply

  9. Good post. You make some great points that most people do not fully understand.

    “This is of particular concern right now because my friends seem to be ignoring me for some reason; I had made plans for people to come over to my place and drink on Friday, but no one showed up (well, one person did, but just for a few minutes, and he didn’t drink anything), and ever since them no one has been responding to my phone calls or e-mails. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m feeling very sad and lonely right now, and it’s just killed my motivation to work on my remaining schoolwork. I’ve scheduled a party for tomorrow night. I hope people come to it, because otherwise it seems like this kind of social isolation would just be my fate.”

    I like how you explained that. Very helpful. Thanks.

    Comment by chiz — February 25, 2008 @ 7:16 am |Reply


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