Sunlit Water

April 14, 2007

So Anyway

Filed under: Dating,Personal — by teofilo @ 4:45 pm

I guess I might as well explain the changes in my life lately that I’ve been hinting about for a while.  No, I didn’t get laid, but my continued virginity doesn’t bother me as much as it did before precisely because of the new perspective (I suppose you might call it) that I seem to have shifted into in the past few weeks.

The big event in this process, of course, was the conference we hosted here.  I was the main person in charge of organizing the logisitics, so I was in touch with all the presenters via e-mail for weeks ahead of time and then was the main contact for everyone once they got here.  I’m also the only person in the organization who has a car, so I spent a significant amount of the weekend picking people up at various airports (next year, I’m going to tell the organizers to only pick people up at the local airport; the other one is just ridiculously far away), which also led people to get to know me better.  Basically, everyone knew who I was and kept in touch with me throughout the weekend, which is something that’s rarely if ever been the case in my life and really gave me a lot more confidence in my ability to interact with people than I’ve ever had before.  So that’s one thing that the conference did for me.

There’s also the people I met, who were without exception extremely cool and fun to be around.  It was great to be part of a large group of people who all had things in common and could relate well to each other, which, again, was largely new to me; I’ve often been around such groups, but I’ve rarely felt like I belonged in one.  A few people in particular I got to know really well, and have kept in touch with since then, and the kind of bond I’ve formed with them has made me realize in a way I never really had before that close friendships are actually really nice to have and can fulfill a lot of the needs for emotional intimacy that I had previously been looking (unsuccessfully) to romantic relationships for.  It was like I suddenly realized that, yes, this sort of interpersonal connection really does have value in and of itself, and I should stop thinking of it as an inferior alternative to romance.

Being able to rely on friends for some emotional support has also taken a lot of the pressure and urgency out of my search for a girlfriend, and in fact I’m now wondering if a serious relationship is really what I want right now or if I might be better off with random hookups, given that I only have a few weeks until I graduate and then I’ll be moving away and everything.  The problem with this approach, of course, is that I know even less about hooking up than I do about dating, but I’m working on it and I feel pretty optimistic about my prospects.

Part of what’s fed my optimism is that two weeks after our conference there was another one, in Canada, that was attended almost entirely by attractive but sexually frustrated women, because as far as we can tell male linguists up there are all either married or gay (seriously, we literally didn’t meet a single one who wasn’t).  I wasn’t actually able to take advantage of that situation for a variety of reasons, but I don’t feel too bad about it because there is yet another conference coming up in a couple weeks which will be attended by many of the same people, and this time I’m going to do my best to make the most of it.  I’m still not sure exactly how it’s going to turn out, but I’m feeling pretty good about it.

So that’s what’s been up with me, and why I’m in generally good spirits these days.  In case anyone was wondering.



  1. Sounds like an excellent state of affairs! I’m glad the conference went so well, both professionally and personally.

    Comment by mrh — April 14, 2007 @ 4:56 pm |Reply

  2. This all sounds extraordinarily cheerful.

    Comment by LizardBreath — April 14, 2007 @ 5:32 pm |Reply

  3. By which I mean, good for you.

    Comment by LizardBreath — April 14, 2007 @ 5:33 pm |Reply

  4. Thanks, guys.

    Comment by teofilo — April 14, 2007 @ 5:40 pm |Reply

  5. Yay Teo! Not only good spirits, but startlingly good intra-personal knowledge about how/why you got there. So glad to hear it.

    Comment by Witt — April 14, 2007 @ 7:37 pm |Reply

  6. 🙂

    Comment by Cala — April 14, 2007 @ 8:29 pm |Reply

  7. On the one hand, I think it’s great that you’re appreciating the pleasures of friendship, and that it’s really healthy to take romance less seriously. On the other hand, I’m not sure that the world can handle this new stone cold ladykilling machine. So, a mixed bag.

    Comment by Matt W — April 14, 2007 @ 10:14 pm |Reply

  8. Ditto what Matt said. If I were ten years younger, I think I’d love to date you, but I wouldn’t want to be hooked up with. Friendship is indeed an important and wonderful thing.

    Comment by Bostoniangirl — April 14, 2007 @ 11:51 pm |Reply

  9. Good, hon. I’m a firm believer that your systems for emotional support should have a lot of redundancy in them.

    Contra Bostoniangirl, I also believe that a friendly respectful hook-up is a gift to everyone involved. I’ve long thought you’ve got the raw material to be good at that, and the world is in dire need of more fun hook-ups. Go get ’em, tiger.

    Comment by Megan — April 14, 2007 @ 11:57 pm |Reply

  10. On the one hand, I’m happy for you. On the other…

    Comment by eb — April 15, 2007 @ 12:25 am |Reply

  11. hooray for platonic friends! Hooray for attractive sexually frustrated women! Hmm, this comment is kind of self-aggrandizing.

    Comment by Tia — April 15, 2007 @ 3:05 am |Reply

  12. Wait, did you have to go get people from the state capital?

    Comment by the Other Paul — April 15, 2007 @ 12:37 pm |Reply

  13. No, not the state capital, just another city about 60 miles away that is much cheaper to fly into. Still kind of a pain in the ass to keep driving back and forth though.

    Thanks for the support, everyone. As for eb’s concern, I think it’s pretty obvious that this (along with some other stuff) has already doomed my blogging. So, you know, thanks to all of you for sticking around for the post-content era of this blog.

    Comment by teofilo — April 15, 2007 @ 3:54 pm |Reply

  14. Good for you! I’m glad you’re happy and that you have some lady prospects on the horizon. Go Teo!

    Comment by Becks — April 15, 2007 @ 5:28 pm |Reply

  15. And to follow up with Megan, if you can master the friendly, no-hard-feelings hookup, you should be very popular. Hooking up gets a large part of its bad reputation from people who wake up the next morning and act as if they didn’t like the person they just screwed.

    Comment by LizardBreath — April 15, 2007 @ 5:41 pm |Reply

  16. If only I had figured this out earlier in my college career.

    Comment by teofilo — April 15, 2007 @ 5:44 pm |Reply

  17. That’s awesome!

    Comment by heebie-geebie — April 15, 2007 @ 8:01 pm |Reply

  18. Lovely post.

    Comment by standpipe — April 16, 2007 @ 9:29 am |Reply

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