Sunlit Water

November 11, 2006

Feelin’ Half-Past Dead

Filed under: Personal — by teofilo @ 1:17 am

I’m feeling kind of down right now. Partly that’s because I’m sick (just a little stomach bug, no big deal), but it’s mostly because I’m under a lot of stress right now and I’m not sure how well I’m dealing with it. I’m sure it’ll work out okay; there’s less than a month left in the semester, and once it’s over I think I’ll feel a lot better.

It’s been kind of a rough semester. My classes aren’t very difficult, but I’m also not very interested in them (I’m mostly finishing up with requirements) and I’m finding it hard to motivate myself to study. Not that I’m falling behind. I do all the work, but I often put it off until very, very late at night and then rush through it half-assedly. My attendance record is very good as well; I never got into the habit of skipping classes, so I generally just show up even if I really don’t want to.  I’ve been getting very little sleep, though, which can’t be good.  I think I probably got sick because the lack of sleep made me vulnerable to whatever it was that infected me.

The big problem is the lack of motivation, and it’s not just for school. Even things I’m normally more interested in have languished, because I just can’t bring myself to do anything most of the time. Depression probably plays a role here; I’ve never been diagnosed, but there’s a family history of it and what I’m feeling now seems a lot like descriptions I’ve heard of the symptoms. I’ve had episodes like this in the past that have come and gone, so I’m pretty sure it isn’t chronic and is probably brought out mostly by the stress.

I’m not really looking for sympathy or advice here. I’m mostly just trying to work through my thoughts about my situation right now. I still think it’ll be okay once the semester ends. Just a few more weeks.



  1. I’ve found that getting too little sleep contributes a lot to the depression/apathy, though it’s also an effect as well as a cause. If I make sure I get 7 or 8 hours of sleep, I tend to feel a lot better in that regard (says the guy commenting at quarter to 3 in the morning, of course).

    Comment by Matt F — November 11, 2006 @ 2:47 am |Reply

  2. Yeah, I’m sure it would help, but the problem is that the lack of motivation thing applies to going to bed as well. It can be quite the vicious circle.

    Comment by teofilo — November 11, 2006 @ 2:50 am |Reply

  3. Once again, lack of motivation makes it hard, but if you can talk yourself into getting more exercise, that’ll do wonders toward straightening out your sleep. But it’s tough when you’re already feeling tired and down.

    Comment by LizardBreath — November 11, 2006 @ 3:17 pm |Reply

  4. Or, just learn to enjoy it.

    Comment by The Modesto Kid — November 11, 2006 @ 3:35 pm |Reply

  5. Untreated depression is a big damn deal. And altogether too many people act as if those with this condition can/should heal themselves — it’s as serious as snakebite, except that no one acts all funny when you go get a shot of anti-venom.

    Comment by CharleyCarp — November 11, 2006 @ 3:39 pm |Reply

  6. I’m not totally sure it’s really depression; it comes and goes and seems to mainly be linked to stress. Believe me, I don’t mean to trivialize or stigmatize mental health issues.

    Comment by teofilo — November 11, 2006 @ 5:39 pm |Reply

  7. Teo, if you’ll forgive me for offering the two things you said you weren’t looking for: It’s tough to have a parent with a major illness. It colors your life in all sorts of ways that you notice at the time, and some that you see only in hindsight. That’s true whether or not you’re living close by.

    I’m not offering an opinion one way or another on depression/stress/motivation. Everyone else is right: It’s always good to get more sleep and get out in the fresh air a bit. I’m just saying that even when you think you see the outlines of how a major event is affecting your life, it has ripples that extend.

    Comment by Witt — November 11, 2006 @ 7:27 pm |Reply

  8. Yeah, my dad’s illness is definitely in the background of all this. I don’t think it’s a primary factor, but I’m sure it contributes.

    Comment by teofilo — November 11, 2006 @ 8:42 pm |Reply

  9. I know you just got this advice, but I want to echo the exercise thing, and to stress that it should be aerobic. I’ve seriously been lying around half feeling like dying, but I’ve forced myself to lug myself and my ipod onto the elliptical, and the combination of the exercise and listening to my dancey pop has me in a totally chipper mood 45 minutes later.

    Comment by Tia — November 12, 2006 @ 12:50 pm |Reply

  10. Since you probably get e-mail for all your comments, I’m going to go ahead and post. I suggest you consider whether you have ADD if you haven’t already. Also consider whether you have delayed sleep phase syndrome, and consider light therapy. Also, I third the exercise suggestion. I have been doing pretty crappily lately, and I’m pretty it’s because I haven’t been able to get good aerobic exercise (because of my god damn knees). Good luck.

    Comment by pdf23ds — December 9, 2006 @ 5:43 pm |Reply

  11. Oh, I was going to post this link to my experience of ADD:

    Comment by pdf23ds — December 9, 2006 @ 5:43 pm |Reply

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