Sunlit Water

November 1, 2006

Exactly Right

Filed under: Personal — by teofilo @ 7:34 pm

This post is so true.  My life isn’t much like Megan’s in most ways, but when she posts stuff like that I feel an instant tinge of recognition.  I’ve been alone for a long time now, and I’ve gotten to the point where I no longer put much effort into changing that, but I really, really want it to change.  I think of all the things I do and how much happier I’d be doing them with (or for) someone else.  I think about all the things I want to talk about if only there were someone there to listen.  It makes me sad.

I suppose at some point this will change; if not this school year, then after I graduate and move to a new place and reinvent my life again.  In some ways it’s been helpful to me to have all this time to think about what I really want in a relationship, and I think I’ve figured it out pretty well  by now.  Better than figuring it out through a series of relationships with real people who have real feelings, I guess.  It’s pretty depressing, though, that I know exactly what I want and can’t find it.  I’m not even sure I would know what to do if I did.

I’m obviously never going to find a girlfriend if I don’t put myself out there, so I’ll have to start doing that again at some point, but right now I’m just too tired of trying and failing and the accompanying emotional rollercoaster to bother with it.  I’ll get back to it some day.  I don’t know when that’ll be, but I can’t stay away forever.



  1. If it weren’t for the 3000 mile geographical separation (oh, and I suppose the decade of age difference) the solution would be obvious — date Megan.

    Shame it isn’t practical.

    Comment by LizardBreath — November 1, 2006 @ 8:29 pm |Reply

  2. It’s probably for the best. She’d always be nagging me to have more fun.

    Comment by teofilo — November 1, 2006 @ 9:05 pm |Reply

  3. I’ve been alone for a long time now

    Dude, this is not true. You haven’t been alive for long enough for this to be true. The good news is, it’s probably not like you’re so far out of the game that it’s not worth getting back into, and you never know when something nice will happen. Keep talking to girls who ask you to do their laundry for them. (I, of course, will do what I can to matchmake.)

    Comment by Matt Weiner — November 1, 2006 @ 10:30 pm |Reply

  4. From the depths of Texas? No one ever met anyone serious through internet conversations with someone living thousands of miles away, it’s just ridiculously unlikely.

    Comment by LizardBreath — November 1, 2006 @ 11:12 pm |Reply

  5. Weiner: As a percentage of my life, it’s pretty long. But point taken, and thanks.

    LB: Hey, it’s not like he has anything better to do down there.

    Comment by teofilo — November 1, 2006 @ 11:30 pm |Reply

  6. But my army of spies and little helpers reaches all the way to Teoville. What do you think that girl was doing in the laundromat? I sent her there.

    Comment by Matt Weiner — November 1, 2006 @ 11:56 pm |Reply

  7. Hey hon. So when does the “almost” go away?

    More people should be doing active matchmaking, for both of us. That’s what I say. People shouldn’t have to find their sweethearts all by themselves. It is just too hard.

    Comment by Megan — November 2, 2006 @ 7:00 pm |Reply

  8. See, that’s what I’ve been saying. The world needs more people like Matt Weiner.

    The “almost” will remain.

    Comment by teofilo — November 2, 2006 @ 7:13 pm |Reply

  9. Hey, hover text! Punk.

    Comment by Matt Weiner — November 3, 2006 @ 12:38 am |Reply

  10. I think that makes you the second person to notice. Or at least the second to mention it.

    Comment by teofilo — November 3, 2006 @ 12:56 am |Reply

  11. Comment 7 tipped me off. (And thank you for 8.)

    Comment by Matt Weiner — November 3, 2006 @ 1:28 pm |Reply

  12. Was I the first person to notice/mention the hover text?

    OK, what percentage of the time would I have to be exactly right for the “almost” to go away? Or should we maybe discuss a perfect score in your office hours?

    Comment by Megan — November 3, 2006 @ 3:35 pm |Reply

  13. Office hours it is. The goal is 100%, but I’m willing to budge a little (especially given that you were indeed the first to notice the hover text) depending on how well you make your case.

    Comment by teofilo — November 3, 2006 @ 4:52 pm |Reply

  14. Lurking in the shadows, I notice all (weeks upon weeks before!), and yet mentioned it not. My quest for glory, foiled by my silence. Blast.

    Comment by Matt F — November 3, 2006 @ 7:17 pm |Reply

  15. I only have general advice, which may not be helpful. Stuff like: get out of your head for a few hours! Go have drinks with people! This is the same stuff people have been saying for awhile, I think. It’s hard to get started, but once it does start, easy to maintain.

    It’s good to be reflective, but also, too much self-consciousness is bad. Don’t worry about your feelings for awhile and just say things to people. Make an effort, during one such conversation, not to think at all about your interior reactions to what is going on. Concentrate on the other person, or if that is too hard, just on what is being said.

    Reading this over, I feel as though you might just brush it off. I probably would. Do not! I may not have put it well, but it contains things I have learned, over and over again, firsthand.

    Comment by text — November 10, 2006 @ 2:34 pm |Reply

  16. See, the thing is, I pretty much already do those things. Despite the tone of this post, I don’t really spend all my time alone moping.

    Comment by teofilo — November 10, 2006 @ 2:46 pm |Reply

  17. ah, then I’ve got no useful advice. I don’t think I know many women in your age range either. Glad to be of service!

    Comment by text — November 10, 2006 @ 3:10 pm |Reply

  18. today is my advice giving day!

    Comment by text — November 10, 2006 @ 3:10 pm |Reply

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