Sunlit Water

September 23, 2006

Where My Music’s Playing

Filed under: Personal — by teofilo @ 7:30 pm

I went to services again this morning.  It was more pleasant than last night; the sermon was typically anodyne and the other people didn’t irritate me as much.  There weren’t nearly as many people there as usual, because it’s Saturday.  Around here, when one of the High Holidays falls on a weekend most people go home.

I can see why they do it; they’re mostly the sort of people for whom Rosh Hashanah is a big deal, a time to spend with their families and in their home synagogues.  It’s a time for togetherness.

That’s not how I feel about it at all, though.  I have fond memories of the High Holidays in my synagogue at home, but it’s never been a huge deal in my life.  Truth be told, I don’t care for this time of year much.  Too stressful and introspective.  Going home, then, is something I’ve never even considered, and wouldn’t even if I lived close enough for it to be practical.

Indeed, I don’t like going home at all.  I only go for the long breaks: winter and summer.  Part of that is distance, but it’s also that I don’t like it very much at home.  I like my family, and it’s very nice to see them, but going home always makes me feel like I’m stuck back in high school, and I can’t stand that.  I’ve lost touch with most of my friends there, largely because I got fed up with how they were never around and stopped even trying to contact them.  As a result, I rarely do much when I’m home; I mostly just sit around the house.  It’s okay for a couple weeks, but any longer and I get restless.  So yeah, not fond of vacations.

A lot of people, even people who go to prestigious colleges like mine, go back home after they graduate.  It’s a place they’re familiar with, they have friends there, and they know where to look for jobs and housing, so it makes sense for them.  Not for me, though; I went to college to get away from home, and I’m sure as hell not going back when I finish.  I’d like to start off somewhere new and make my own life for myself.

I’m increasingly looking forward to that.  I know it’ll be hard, particularly socially, and that worries me a bit, but I think the payoff will be more than worth it.  I’m looking for a place that I’m really comfortable calling home.  I’m sure it’s out there somewhere.



  1. Do you have possible locations in mind? Criteria for where you want to live?

    Comment by dagger aleph — September 24, 2006 @ 12:27 am |Reply

  2. Presence of jobs is the big one, and the one that’ll probably end up being the deciding factor. That said, I would prefer an urban location, particularly one that I’m not already familiar with. At the moment NYC, which satisfies both criteria, is looking like the most probable choice.

    Comment by teofilo — September 24, 2006 @ 12:45 am |Reply

  3. Just don’t become The Only Living Boy in New York.

    Comment by ~Macarena~ — September 24, 2006 @ 6:31 pm |Reply

  4. Well I do tend to get all the news I need from the weather report…

    Comment by teofilo — September 24, 2006 @ 6:43 pm |Reply

  5. You and your e-vil titles: I could have the lonely-(and sweet)-ass song in my head on any given day, but now it’s on repeat.

    Comment by ~Macarena~ — September 25, 2006 @ 10:52 pm |Reply

  6. teo, I’m totally the same way. I moved away from home a couple of days after high school, and I haven’t been back for more than a couple weeks at a time (and even then, only twice total). It’s just now, after law school in Chicago, that I’m starting to feel like I have a home, a place I’d want to live, and only because of the friends I’ve made in it (plus, it’s a sweet city). Rock on with your bad self.

    Comment by m. leblanc — September 26, 2006 @ 12:52 am |Reply

  7. Thanks, m. Right back atcha.

    Comment by teofilo — September 26, 2006 @ 1:16 am |Reply

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