Ah, Home

On my way back from picking up takeout at the Vietnamese restaurant with an attached emissions testing place a roadrunner darted out in front of me and I had to slam on the breaks to keep from hitting it.

No Mister Nice Guy

This Kugelmass post (via AWB) on where Nice Guys come from is very good, and the explanation he gives seems accurate, judging from my experience. There was a time, around the end of high school, when I think I was in danger of falling into Nice Guyism myself, and I think JK’s explanation explains at least part of why I didn’t. My experiences were similar to the ones he describes in some ways, but there were some crucial differences that I think made most of the difference. The biggest one is the thing about female friends; I never had any really close female friends in high school, and so I never experienced that peculiar mix of unrequited lust and blithe cluelessness that seems to define the Nice Guy attitude toward women. I always really liked girls and preferred their company to that of other guys, but I was also shy and awkward enough that I wasn’t comfortable entering into any friendships with girls unless I had a definite expectation of becoming romantically involved with them, and when it (inevitably) became apparent that they weren’t interested in me I immediately stopped hanging out with them. This was kind of dickish and immature of me, but it did prevent me from falling into that weird “but if I just keep hanging out with her and offering her emotional support maybe she’ll change her mind and go out with me” mindset that tends to characterize the Nice Guy.

I’m often puzzled in these discussions when the subject of the girls the Nice Guys ignore comes up, because up until that point I can generally understand the dynamics that people are talking about, but when it emerges that these guys are ignoring their other female friends, who are madly in love with them, I feel like I’m suddenly in an alien world. If these guys have girls who want them, I think, then why don’t they go for them? This is nothing like my experience, and it makes me a lot less sympathetic to the guys. Kugelmass mentions that one thing about Nice Guys is that they “feel lonely, but the truth is that they’re not nearly lonely enough.”  This seems about right; I was very lonely in high school, but I didn’t end up concluding it was because I was too nice.

There were other factors as well that contributed to me not becoming one of these guys, I think.  Among them was going to college and meeting some of them and thinking “holy shit, I don’t want to be like that!”  Another, strange to say, was discovering this website.  While I realize now, and suspected at the time, that it’s totally full of shit, it sets up its theory of dating as an explicit rebuttal to the Nice Guy theory of dating, and allows a guy who’s trying to figure out how these things work to see an alternative explanation that is more realistic (though, ultimately, no more accurate) than the Nice Guy one.  It’s just as depressing, though, and I wasn’t very happy trying to see the world through its terms.

In college, of course, I actually got to know a lot of girls as purely platonic friends for the first time, and it was this that I think ultimately made me realize how stupid all those “theories” about women that lonely young men come up with are.  It began to dawn on me that women all have their own perspectives, their own likes and dislikes, about men and dating and sex, and that learning to appreciate them as individuals, as people, is ultimately the only way to have any true romantic success.

Now, as all regular readers of my blog are aware, I haven’t actually found any romantic success since that time.  I consider that largely a fluke, though, and attribute it to unfortunate circumstances and my own shyness and insecurity.  It’s certainly not because I’m too nice or poor or whatever, and as long as I keep trying (which, admittedly, is not something I’ve been great about recently) I’m sure I’ll find someone eventually.

I did sign up for Nerve the other day, so that’s something.  I’m actually pretty impressed with the women in my area that are on it; there’s definitely some potential there.  We’ll see how things turn out.

Yellow

I went out this afternoon and took some pictures of xeriscapes in my neighborhood.  You can find the results here.

Apt

It’s somehow quite fitting that the earliest known gunshot victim in the Americas was shot in the back of the head.  Also note the archaeologist’s name.

Changes

Okay, we’ve got mrh and LB lined up so far as possible substitutes.  I’ve also decided, in consultation with the other players, to move the game to two-day turns, starting now.  This will hopefully keep it from being too overwhelming for the players.

Game Thoughts

So the game is progressing nicely (we’re up to C!), but we’ve reached a point where we’re realizing that keeping track of all the information is actually pretty difficult, especially with this many people and at this rapid a pace.  I think we’ll still be able to get through the whole thing, though.  We’ll be taking a break this weekend, as some people will be out of town (if those people could mention in the comments what days would be best to take off for them I’d appreciate it), and then we’ll continue next week.

One thing that I’ve been giving some thought to, in response to some people’s comments, is putting together a list of alternate players who can step in to write articles if some of the original players drop out.  Redfoxtailshrub will be gone after July 13, so that’s at least one person who we’ll almost certainly need to replace, and if other people end up being too busy or whatever to keep going until the end we might need more.  The structure of the game makes players dropping out a real problem, as the number of articles under each letter has to be equal to the number of players, and as we get further into the alphabet some of the later letters will likely have more already-cited articles than there are players remaining.  Since some people have expressed interest in playing, and AWB seems to be hell-bent on rounding up as many players as possible, I thought having a list of people who are willing to be called upon to fill in if necessary would be nice to have.  If you’re interested, leave a comment.  If you’re kind of interested but not sure if you’ll have the time, you can go ahead and sign up and I’ll check with you to see if you can actually play when/if we need you; we’re not going to force anyone to play.

The articles are really good so far; thanks to all the players for their (not inconsiderable) efforts.

Damn Texans

Happy Juneteenth, everybody!

Options

I went to a party last Saturday night; I didn’t get laid, but I didn’t get in a fight, either.  It was the first time I’d been out socially since I got into town, and while it was fun and I got to see a lot of people I hadn’t seen in a long time (some of them since high school), it made me realize that my romantic options in that social circle are basically nonexistent, which is particularly unfortunate since that’s the only social circle around here that I’m even marginally a part of.  That’s the problem with going away for so long then coming back, I guess.

I’m not even sure I really want to do any dating or anything while I’m here, since I don’t know how long I’ll be here and kind of want to move away as soon as possible.  I’m pretty lonely, though, and it might be nice to at least test the waters, I guess.  Match.com is offering a free trial to members of my graduating class, but when I asked about it on Unfogged people were pretty down on it as compared to other online dating sites.  If I were in a bigger city I would probably try Craigslist first, but it hasn’t really caught on here yet.  I’ve heard good things about OKCupid, but I looked around there a bit and the pickings seemed pretty slim (which makes me marvel at how bad Match must be), plus I saw an awful lot of people on there who are in relationships and aren’t looking to meet people at all, which seems strange for a dating site, but whatever.  Maybe all the fun quizzes and stuff have had some unintended effects.

I haven’t looked at all the sites that have been recommended to me (Nerve, obviously, and I’m sure there are others that I can’t recall at the moment), so I’m not yet writing off online dating entirely, but what I’ve seen so far is not very encouraging.  My mom keeps talking about that damn “Date the Ivies” thing that’s always advertising in the New Yorker, but I don’t have any real desire to limit myself that much, plus I doubt there’s a very significant population of alumni of elite schools in this area anyway.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this; I’m mostly just musing.  Anyone have any thoughts or advice?

Oh Yeah

Since it’s (still, but just barely) Father’s Day, I guess I should give an update on how my dad’s doing.  The chemo regimen he’s on now, a new mix of some drugs he was on before, suits him a lot better than the previous one, which really drained him of energy.  He’s feeling better now and is more able to do stuff (like, say, fly across the country for my graduation).  The main side effect is that he’s losing his hair again after having grown it back during the previous treatment, but it’s still mostly there and that’s a pretty minor thing overall.  So we’re pretty happy about his condition right now.

In terms of a long-term prognosis, however, things still don’t look good, and while the chemo is slowing down the rate of growth of the cancer, it isn’t stopping it from growing entirely.  His oncologist has decided not to try to change anything, though, because he feels pretty good with this treatment and it’s not like there are any real alternatives out there.

So that’s where we are right now.  Thought some of you might like to know.

Back In Business

We had a slight mishap that forced us to move the Lexicon game to a new wiki, but it should all be working now.  The second turn will be tomorrow.  The new wiki is public, so anyone who’d like to can follow along.